Once upon a time, I understood my life. It made sense. I was happy. I felt safe and secure. I didn’t lack a thing. And then, one day, God reached down and turned my life upside down. And things were never the same. I praise Him for it!
My journey starts on August 9, 2010. We had just arrived home from vacation and unbeknownst to me, my husband was looking at ranch land online. For over a year, he had felt a tug on his heart that maybe we weren’t quite where God wanted us to be. Were we ok? Yes. Were we serving and worshiping Him? Yes. Were we fulfilling His plan for our lives? Maybe. That was certainly our heart’s desire. My husband had a “secure” job as a firefighter, we were living on the family farm, and had built up a great freezer beef business. We had finally finished with fixing up our house exactly the way we wanted it. We were happy. We were content. But for this tug. This whisper of maybe there was something more. “Use me, however you want,” we prayed. “Except of course, within the bounds of the fire service and the farm. Those two things are unchangeable.” But were they?
Slowly, the prayers started changing. “Use me however You want, wherever You want, no restrictions. I’ll go anywhere, I’ll do anything.” And then the tug became more. It became consuming. Soon we found several pieces of land that seemed like possibilities. We made calls. All the while, feeling like we were just “playing.” Seeing where an idea led, but fully expecting it to be a dead end.
Then we found a place that seemed almost perfect. And it got a little too real for my comfort. As panic set in, I frantically googled churches in the area of Glendive, Montana. Yes, Montana. The place that is by Canada, where there are snakes and all kinds of other scary animals, where it is cold and snowy, with shorter warm seasons. I prayed, “God, you led me straight to the church family where You wanted us once. I know You can lead me straight to a church family again if Your desire is for us to go to Montana.” After many searches, putting in many towns, I finally found a little Bible church that looked like it could be a fit. I emailed the pastor with some pretty deep theological questions to see where he stood. His replies were right on. And he also wanted to know how we had found his tiny homemade website? Apparently, no one, but church members “find” it. I had found it by putting in Google, “Intake, Montana,” but the church is actually located in Glendive. And Intake? Well, it’s not even a town, just a “fishing spot.”
A few days later we found out some information on the land that made it a no-go. I was so relieved. I said to Joel, “Let’s never do that again. It got a little too real there for a bit.” The only thing I wondered about was why God led me to such a great church if we weren’t supposed to move? A week or so later, we found a few more locations ranging from Wyoming and Nebraska to Montana. Why we looked again, I’m still not sure. Perhaps just to assure ourselves of the impossibility of it all. With several calls, each new possibility was eliminated. There was one left. In Montana. Joel didn’t even want to call. But he did, and things checked out. Every item of question was answered positively. There was nothing left to do, but go see it. This meant telling our parents. Dread. To say they were angry, sad, and upset would be an understatement. And were we being stupid? Well, they thought so. And to be honest? We thought so too.
We left 2 kids with them and took 2 kids with us. One of which was a 5 month old baby. We left at midnight thinking the kids would sleep. The baby did not. The baby was confused and the baby cried all the way through Illinois and most of Wisconsin. Midway through Wisconsin, I pleaded with Joel to turn around. What were we doing anyway? This was the craziest thing ever and for what? Both of us were sure that God was leading us to go see the land, but both of us thought that it would end there. That something wouldn’t “fit” and we would say, “Thank you very much for your time, but this just won’t work.” But we were wrong again.
Somehow we kept going and made it through that awful 17 hour drive. And the land we came to see? Breathtaking!! Fabulous grass, fabulous fencing, and water all over. (All very important things for cattle.) And that little church I found online? We were invited to supper at the Pastor and his wife’s home. And it was lovely. I felt such a deep love for them. The love of Christ that spans all distances, races, and denominations. As we left their home, I teared up as I said, “We may never see you again because we don’t know how this will end.” And the Pastor’s wife smiled at me and said, “Well, if not here, then in heaven.” And it was a beautiful thing. We headed for home not sure what to do, but knowing our journey was far from over.
After being home a couple weeks and much prayer, we put in an offer. A ridiculously low offer. An offer that was, of course, countered. But, that was countered at a price that was still below the max of what we’d said we would pay. Oh my. Not only that, but the owner wanted to finance us at a fixed 5.5% interest rate. And the purchase agreement was contingent upon our sale of land and home here, the next major obstacle.
I regularly threw temper tantrums to God. I was mad for my life being turned upside down. I was happy before. Why did He have to come along and want more of me? Why did He have to mess it all up? How could He? I loved my home, my farm, my church, my friends, my family, my town, and so on. So why were we doing this crazy thing that everyone else thought was foolish? We prayed all the time for Him to close doors if this was not His will. “Please God, close a door!!!” I wanted to stay. Joel wanted to stay. And still, there was this pull. This compulsion. This leading. This beckoning. And so baby-step by baby-step we moved onward and forward always sure that it would end soon.
A family from church was interested in maybe purchasing our home. We had not listed yet. And I thought, “Aha, God this is Your provision. I would love to see this family in my beloved home. I wouldn’t have to list and deal with showings. It’s perfect.” For a month, I worked to convince God that this family would make a great testimony and be the perfect answer. If it can just be them, then I’ll tell everyone about this great story, I thought. But God had other ideas. And it made me mad. I seemed to get mad at God a lot. I am so much like the children of Israel.
Before I really knew what happened, we had listed our home. I thought seeing the “for sale” signs would be my undoing. I prayed for God to give me strength. I loved my home and didn’t want to sell it!! What were we doing? I don’t think a day in this journey passed where we didn’t question ourselves in this way. After signing all the paperwork for listing, Joel and I had a date night. Chinese. As the fortune cookies were set down, I prayed a most silly prayer, “God speak to me in my cookie.” And you know what? He did!! Instead of the usual good luck or opportunity-related messages it was instead a message of “seeking new frontiers” and ended with, “It’s time to travel!”
Less then 24 hours after being officially listed, we had a call to schedule our first showing. A few days later, November 9th, the sign was placed in the yard. How it hurt our hearts to see that sign!! We loved our home and farm so very, very much. And yet in faith, we continued to move forward. That day, I asked God to reveal Himself. And that day alone, we had 6 interested people ask about our home.
And our house wasn’t just a house. It was a house with 40+ acres of farm ground and a multitude of farm buildings. We were told it would take a “unique” buyer which basically meant that it would be a difficult sell. Plus it would take someone with that kind of money. Acreage in Illinois at the time was selling for $8,000 to $9,000 an acre!! Not to mention the nation being in an economic crisis with a major housing market slump. Couple all that with the holidays and winter (which typically has the lowest home sales) and you were looking at a near impossibility. Again.
We didn’t know it then. But our roller coaster was only just beginning. Over the course of the next several weeks we had almost 15 showings! We had 5 showings scheduled the week of Thanksgiving!! I couldn’t keep up and I was getting frustrated since a part of me wanted this to be where God ended it. A BIG part of me wanted it to end. I hated the whole mess. We were constantly praying that God would close the door if He wanted us to stay.
The night before Thanksgiving we received an offer. Our house had been listed less then 3 weeks. We carefully and prayerfully considered before countering. Not sure what to do since we didn’t feel entirely peaceful about it.
The showings continued. And I felt like all I did was clean my house. Over and over and over. I began to get depressed as December rolled around. After all, this could potentially be my last Christmas in the home I loved so dearly and I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy it like this!! We had so many showings that it got to the point that we turned people down or made them come on our timeframe.
We got called yet again with someone wanting to come on Tuesday, December 7th. I couldn’t handle anymore and we were in negotiations with the previous offer so I just said, “no.” But God changed my heart, I rallied, and we called back telling them to come. THAT was ALL God!
On Wednesday, December 8th, we received an offer from the Tuesday showing! And it was God’s provision! Point by point it had everything we had prayed for. The price was right, they would let us lease back our home for 5 months, Joel could finish out our cattle, and clear out the barns as time allowed, and the list went on! As the realtor went over the details, I just broke down crying because I KNEW that this was it!! And I felt so relieved and peaceful. Joel was working at the fire station and so we decided to sleep on it and pray before responding. That evening, a 3rd offer came in! With 3 offers on the table, we were in a position to try and “bid up” our home. But our desire was not for this. Our desire was for God’s perfect will and as I prayed that night, I heard Him say, “This is My PROVISION. IT IS ENOUGH!!” And as I thought about what the extra money might mean for us I heard Him again, “Are you going to put your trust in money or are you going to put your trust in Me?” With great peace in our hearts, we signed a purchase agreement the next day. And I heard Him speak to my heart over and over through December, “I go to prepare a place for you.”
You would think that at this point I would start accepting God’s leading. After all, He was doing mighty things! But like the children of Israel, I “spied out” the land of things to come and saw “giants” everywhere and my heart began to faint. We scheduled another trip to Montana for the beginning of January. Joel and I flew out leaving our kids at home. We had 4 days to find a house. Not just a house, but a place I felt could be our home. With a very bad attitude, I told Joel, “If we can’t find something that feels right, then we’re just going to have to get out of this purchase agreement with our house and end it right here.” He kindly “agreed” by mentioning that he realized a lot was riding on this trip. Did I mention that I was throwing another little “heart rebellion” against God?
In those 4 days, we saw 4 properties. And one clearly stood out above the rest. The house was perfect, the barn and outbuildings were perfect, the location was perfect. It was indeed the “total package.” Down to the little details and I marveled at how God really does care about even the little things. He truly “prepared” a place for me and my family. It was clear that once again, here was His provision.
We visited the little Bible church I had found online and felt immediately “home.” The worship, the sermon, the people, everything was wonderful! We had to turn down 2 dinner invitations because we already had dinner arrangements with another couple from church. One woman (who had heard we were coming from the Pastor’s wife) sought us out and presented us with a gift bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies! We felt so welcomed and so loved. And it was clear that God had indeed led us directly to the church that was to be our own! Across 1200 miles. In a land where we knew no one. He provided us a “family.” And so many friends that have prayed for us, encouraged us, and kept in touch since.
We arrived home to our kids and told them all about the house we were going to get. We prayed about what to offer and put one in. A very fair and reasonable offer. With a small list of things we wanted them to leave and everything on the list were things that the realtor had told us they possibly wanted to leave. Well, they countered saying that their asking price was really their bottom line and they also made a big deal about our “list.” Ultimately, they came down $5,000. Really, God? It seemed so clear and now this? So we prayed again and decided to “meet them halfway” in our price and told them to just keep the list of stuff. They soon countered back. Halfway, plus $10,000 and we could have our list. Flabbergasted, we didn’t know what to think! That last $10,000 was HUGE since our counter was really about as far as we could go! But then, do you walk away from a very pricey property because of only $10,000? What do we do? Heavy-hearted, we did nothing as we prayed and sought God’s direction.
Their frustrating counter was received on Friday, January 14th at 2:30 in the afternoon. The next morning, Saturday, the 15th, we went to our kids’ Upwards basketball games at our church. We don’t get cell phone service at our church and so we were basically “out of touch” all morning. While there, we told several people to pray for us since we weren’t quite sure what to do. At 12:00, we headed for home. Joel’s cell phone alerted us to a voicemail. I called it and heard the realtor say, “All right, they’re going to come down $3,000 and you can keep your list.” Shocked, I relayed the message to Joel and we praised God for doing something only He could have done.
We arrived home to 2 messages on our home voicemail. The first was again the realtor, “All right, they’re coming down $5,000 and you can keep your list!” My jaw dropped and I began shouting the news to Joel. The 2nd message was the realtor, “Please, oh please call me back and let me know if your offer is even still on the table!” What? Oh my goodness!! They thought we were purposely not answering their calls!! As I am listening to that message, Joel’s cell phone begins to ring. Guess who it was? “Okay, okay, they will give you your price AND your list!” Stunned, we hardly knew what to say! It was 12:30. Only 22 hours had passed from the time of their counter. And yet, God had put the fear in them that they were “losing us.” Oh God is so, so good!! It was a tremendous faith booster and such a confirmation that indeed that was the home for us!!
As a few weeks passed, the magnitude and weight of everything began to take its toll once again. Whenever I felt weak, I would look at the pictures of our new home and remind myself what God had done. Our closing on our home here, was scheduled for March 1st. Our closing on our home in Montana was scheduled for March 17th and our closing on the ranch land was scheduled for March 18th. By the beginning of February, we had our application and all our financials in with Farm Credit in Montana. As a typical wife and woman, I stewed about the financing. BUT we had 60% of the price in cash to put down and Joel assured me that no bank would turn someone down who had that much. February 18th, we were informed that we were being turned down. It seemed unthinkable!
Joel and I both have excellent credit. Joel has run a farm operation for almost 18 years so borrowing money is nothing we are unfamiliar with. We had NEVER been turned down by anyone, anywhere and have always quickly paid down our loans. And here we were, a month from our closing out there and nothing! Frantically we got all our financials sent off to another bank in Montana. It’s just a setback. God’s in control. We’ll be all right. Right?
Thursday, February 24th, Joel was at the fire station. As I prayed that night, I felt so weak. I pleaded, “God, I know you have revealed Yourself mightily so many times already, but my faith is just so weak. If You could just reveal Yourself in a mighty way again, it would strengthen me so much.”
Friday, February 25th, Joel arrived home and with utter devastation told me that we had been turned down again. Apparently, the government has added a multitude of federal regulations on banks specifically in regard to home loans. They have made it nearly impossible for someone to get a home loan. The bank out there told us that they would love to finance us, but because of the regulations, they just couldn’t risk being audited and fined. As Joel broke the news, I thought, “I still trust You, God.” And my other voice said, “How can you say that?” And my first voice replied, “I have no idea, but I do.”
We called a dear friend from the church out there, who suggested that we try their local bank. No branches, no big name, just a small institution. Sometimes the smaller banks can do more then the bigger. Maybe they could do something “in house” for us. Our realtor, ran to the 2nd bank and picked up all our info and financials and took them to this 3rd and final effort. Within 2 hours, we were told the same thing. “We would love to do it, but our hands are tied with these federal regulations.” We found a friend willing to cosign for us. Not good enough. Apparently these regulations have to be met whether you have someone to cosign or not.
I’d like to say we handled all this with total grace and trust. But just like the children of Israel, we started ranting about how we just wanted to go back. This wilderness was old and miserable and we just wanted familiar and comforting. We were 4 days away from closing on our home here and Joel questioned God why He would lead us all this way, only to “dump” us. We were at the point of no return. Had we done the wrong thing? Were we foolish? Look where we were!
I questioned God as to why He would have had them come down $10,000 in less then 24 hours if that wasn’t the place for us. I mean, that was such a confirmation to us that we were purchasing the right home. “So why God? Why did You do that if You didn’t want us there?” I prayed. And I heard Him say, “To reveal My power.”
As we worked through all the emotions (and there were aplenty,) I told Joel that devastating would be to have NO options. We had 60% to put down on a BIG country home, with outbuildings, and acreage. I told Joel we should just take that 60% and use it to pay cash for a really nice house in town. No, it’s not what we wanted. No, it didn’t make sense. Yes, it made our kids cry. Yes, it seemed like our dreams were dying. But I told Joel, “This doesn’t make sense, but He didn’t leave us or we would have NO options. But a nice house in town, with no house payment is hardly “dumped.” He has our best interest at heart. I don’t know why, but I know that He’s doing this for our good.” I need to say now that I was NOT strong in my response. I know that the way I dealt with the situation was ALL GOD and HIM ALONE. I should have been a weeping puddle of tears in a corner, but somehow God gave me the strength to stand. But I must say, this was NOT the “mighty way” to reveal Himself that I was expecting from my prayer the night before.
We called the realtor and apologized profusely that we were just unable to get any financing. She’s a sweet little lady in her 60’s, widowed, and of course, it was her birthday. She cried. And the owners of the home? They were all packed to move to Ohio and had turned in their 2 weeks’ notice. We felt perfectly awful.
After praying and talking and looking at homes (that were located in town) online until midnight, we finally went to bed. With PEACE in our hearts. Peace that passes understanding. Peace that He knew what was best. And that PEACE was miraculous!! It was a gift.
Saturday, the 26th, we left for our kids’ final Upwards games at church. As we arrived we had several people asking about our new house and when we would close. We had to tell each one that God had changed our plans, but that we trusted He knew best. Still, several of our friends knew we were heartbroken. As I sat watching the game, I had to continually give each aspect of the house to God. It was either give it to Him or go crazy with disappointment. In my head, I was praying, “ooooo, I loved the kitchen....God, I give You the kitchen.....oooooo, I loved the fireplace.......God, I give You the fireplace......ooooo, I loved the mural on the dining room wall.....God, I give You....” And so it went.
I still didn’t know how I would close on our home here without crying the whole way through. We still trusted, but our faith was severely shaken!! During the 2nd game, a man from church that has been a friend and mentor to Joel approached him while Joel was walking by. He asked how it was going. Joel replied, “It’s good. God’s in control.” The man asked if all the details were falling into place and Joel replied, “Not really.” The man wanted to know what was going on and so Joel filled him in. We have 60% cash to put down, but can’t get financing for the other 40%. “How much do you need?” the man queried. Joel was almost too embarrassed to tell him. Even that 40% is still a HUGE sum of money. Remember that this was a big country property and with the 60%, we COULD’VE paid cash for a really nice home in town.
But Joel swallowed and told him the amount. The man said, “Joel, I have that exact amount. I have been praying for the last 2 weeks about how God would like me to invest it. I would like to invest in your life.” Speechless, Joel hardly knew what to say. The man told Joel to get that realtor called and see if we could still make it work. And then he said, “Thank you for letting God use me.”
Oh how my soul magnifies the Lord!! He is awesome and mighty in deeds! He revealed Himself mightily when my faith was weak and my prayers so small. When my doubts loomed large, He sent them all crashing down. When my heart would fail, He gave me wings. He made Himself and His will for my life known!!! In a miraculous, undeniable way and I will never cease to tell the story of how He worked in my life!! How He CHOSE to work in my life! We had done everything humanly possible. We had given up what we thought He wanted us to give up. And then He came racing in, not a moment too soon, but never too late!! NOTHING is impossible for Him. He can and will do whatever He desires! All things are His gift. I realized it’s not “my” house. It’s His. And now I invite people to visit me in “the house that God gave me.” And isn’t that the way it always should have been? There is nothing we have or do that is because of us. He chooses to give us things, He chooses to work in us and through us (though we be yet dust), He chooses to delight in us by revealing His might and glory through His marvelous works!
If ever God wanted to close a door, that was it. But instead, He burst it wide open with an amazing display of strength and might! The man is giving us the money at 4.5% fixed interest for the next 30 years. That is WAY better then any bank could have done!!
I know now that I DO belong in Montana. I don’t know quite why and that’s ok. He places each member in the body as He sees fit. But all doubts, all questions, all worries about if we are truly doing the right thing have been shattered. He has need of us. And I will go where He sends. “Here I am, Lord, Send me!”
That afternoon, when we finally reached the realtor, the poor lady broke down crying again. You see, she told us she was about to lose her home. The bank was getting ready to foreclose. And this sale? Well, it was going to save her home! She kept telling us how much she loved us and she kept thanking us. Finally, I interrupted, and said, “Karen, we didn’t do anything. GOD DID IT ALL. It was all Him. Thank Him!!!”
Tuesday, March 1st, we closed on our home here. We joyfully told the story of God’s work in our life as we passed papers around the table signing away. What could have been filled with so much sorrow was instead filled with joy. When it was over, we all hugged.
Today, I am still in awe. I am still praising His name. And I’m still a little sad. Sad to leave family, sad to leave friends, sad to leave church, sad to leave home, but I now realize that none of those things were ever really mine. They are and always will be God’s. He just let me borrow them for a time, but now it’s time to fly. The Lord has need of me. The Lord has a place for me. And for that, I will always be so very grateful! I give Him my life! May it be an offering that is pleasing to Him!!
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